Thursday, September 23, 2010

You Might Be An Asshole...

*This blog is rated R for strong language*

It’s no secret that I can have quite the potty mouth…and that I use the word asshole more than my mother'd like. In a moment of boredom I have come up with a list of situations in which you (or someone you know) might be playing the role of an asshole. A la Jeff Foxworthy’s You might be a Redneck.., I present you:

You might be an asshole…

If you jaywalk…slowly…you might be an asshole.

If you are part of a love triangle (either torn between two people or trying to break two people apart)…you might be an asshole.

If you relate/look up to the assholey characters in books/movies/tvshows...you might be an asshole.

If you baked cookies and didn't share any...you might be a fat asshole.

If you changed the channel while one of the Geico funny commercials was on...you might be an asshole.

If you are hogging up all the washers/dryers at the laundry mat because you are apparently doing laundry for the entire wardrobe of 12 people...you might be an asshole.

If you ask stupid questions with already answers in them...you might be a stupid asshole.

If you don't find It's Always Sunny in Philadephia to be the best and most hilarious show ever...you might be an asshole.

If the end/cancellation of a tv show saddens and upsets you more than the end/loss of a friendship/relationship….you might be an asshole.

If you want to make a left turn where there is no left turn lane on a busy street…you might be an asshole.

If you keep your obnoxiously loud dog right outside your neighbor’s bedroom window…you might be an asshole.

If you take too long at the ATM because you have multiple cards…you might be an asshole.

If at the gas station, you park in a way that blocks a free pump for someone else…you might be an asshole.

If you don’t use your turning/merging signals…you might be an asshole.

If you do nothing but complain on your facebook/twitter statuses…you might be an asshole.

If you feel that having listened to the song Hotel California (aka my arch nemesis) has changed your life…you might be an asshole.

If you “celebrate” your sport teams’ victories by trashing/burning/vandalizing places…you might be an asshole.

If you point out other assholes…you might be an asshole.

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