Coco is gone! :/ (from tv’s late night line up, let’s not start any rumors here). Now what??! He was the funniest choice of late night hosts, in my opinion. Well, ok I didn’t actually watch Conan much before. He was just on way to late for this *points at self* viewer. Then after the move to an earlier time slot I tried, but…*pulling out deck of cards*… Pick a card, any card. I got the “wake up early for work”, “lazy/sleepy”, “The News before sent me into a depression coma”, “drank too much of the funny liquids and passed out”…ok, I’m throwing them all in. But still, if Hulu counts in the ratings, I watched some of those clips a lot…ok once. Maybe I’m not a big late night tv watcher person. Ok, that’s a lie, I was watching infomercials and old episodes of Oprah and Dr. Phil ok! (I’m kidding, I don’t even know if they air old episodes late at night.) Actually, by the time Conan starts I am already jumping into the 3rd dream.
Now, of course what NBC (which stands for Nothing But Caca-brains…we can start that rumor) pulled on Coco & Co. was shitty. But I mean they all still got to make some money out of it. Like a whole shit load of money. Conan (because if I called him Coco one mo’e ‘gain, I was gonna feel racist or creepy) got paid 45 million dollars to leave. I mean even after taxes that is still more money than most of us will ever see in a lifetime. So should we feel that bad about what happen? Eh. I’m sure Mr. O’Brien will be just fine.
So anyway, when I read about how much Conan was paid to leave NBC, I cussed, then I felt hungry (because it was past my breakfast time), then I thought about the time Conan fell on the show, then I wondered if I should make scrambled eggs or just eat some cereal, and then I thought “That is a whole lot of money. What would I do if I had that much money?” Pretending here that I lived in a land where I didn’t have to pay taxes for all that cash, I came up with a list of what I would spend the money on…(of course, after I buy houses for family and pass some out to some charities and stuff.)
So here are some of the petty things I would spend some of that money on…
1. Buy a sports team I hate.
This would be a good idea for a couple reasons. Since it is a team I hate, like the Lakers, I would help bring them down. Make awful trades and whatnot. This would make me feel good because who doesn’t feel good when bringing down an arch nemesis, right? And also, It would help me make more money since I would place bets against the crappy team I own. Granted this is a lil evil, but hey that’s how rich people do, I learned from a soap opera once.
2. New clothes.
Not very original, I know, but I would never have to do laundry again. Just buy new clothes anytime I needed to. P.S. I hate doing laundry more than I hate the Lakers. P.P.S. No I don’t. I hate them just about the same.
3. Brain Surgery.
Since the Men in Black flashy thing doesn’t exist and the “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind” isn’t for real, I would have to physically remove the parts of my brain where the bad stuff and people live in my mind. Maybe I should leave this one until the very end, just in case anything goes wrong on the operating table.
4. Fly to the Moon.
..or really anywhere out there in space. As far as I can go. I would love to go see such beauty up close. Of course, while I’m heading up there I might as well take advantage, kill two birds with one stone (Note: I Do NOT advocate the stoning or killing of birds, unless it’s big bird. He is just annoying. And hurts my eyes. Too bright.) and I would take with me every single recording or what have you, of Hotel California and burn it and spread its ashes out there in the universe to float about to a galaxy far far far away from me.
5. Private photographer.
I’m not vain or anything. But just come to think of it, it would be cool if someone gets to capture all my adventures so I can put into albums and later look at and remember. Because let’s face it, the Brain surgery would probably have some side effects.
6. Boxes of peanuts, walnuts, almonds, etc.
Because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t. But I always feel like a nut, or boxes of ‘em.
In conclusion, I am going to buy a lotto ticket for tomorrow.