Here is my Christmas list.
1. The 11th commandment. Yeah that’s right. I want the 11th commandment. Is there a rule that there need only be 10? I don’t think so. So I am adding the 11th on my Christmas list. I want it to be about me, of course. Something along the lines of “Thou shall not break Y.C.’s heart” and of course the tricky part will be that because it is a commandment people are obviously going to break it so maybe we add a second part about the consequences of disobeying the 11th commandment. In fact let me just go ahead and write the 11th commandment for you, Santa. Then you, Santa, can just give it to me for Xmas (and by that I mean publish it, legalize it, amend it, whatever needs to be done.)
-11th Commandment: Thou shall not break Y.C.’s heart. If thou breaketh thou shall suffer consequences so big that thou will wish thou had breaketh one of the other “not so important” ten commandments instead.
2. An army of teddy bears. Now an army of teddy bears is probably double the size of a human one. My tb (short for teddy bear) army and I would go around the world fighting mean people. Now we wouldn’t necessarily use violence but we could if need be. (I would like it if the tbs already know their ninja moves, but I can teach them. It’s cool. It could give us bonding quality time and, if we video tape it, a potentially cool montage) Then after we’ve won the war on mean/hateful/jerky people, we would celebrate by hugging (and no hugging is not a euphemism).
3. The banishment of Hotel California. It is no secret that HC and I have been archnemesis since the beginning of time. Nothing would make me happier this Christmas to the power of forever and a day times infinity and beyond if that song died and/or went away to annoy someone else out there in the universe.
4. The cookie touch. Yes this is exactly what it sounds like…wait, no not exactly what it sounds like, it sorta sounds like cookie molestation. I meant it more like the Midas touch, ya get my drift. Everything I touch to turn into a delicious warm cookie. But at command, I don’t want any drama when I go potty. Also, I know you can do this, Santa, because you are magic. I believe in you!
And finally (yes that is an “and” not an “or” because let’s face it, I’ve been a good girl this year and always so I deserve nothing short of all of the things I listed plus tip!)
5. The San Diego Chargers to win the Superbowl more times than the darn Steelers who have the most rings. I am willing to negotiate and settle for just giving me Philip Rivers. Oh and if the Mavs can win some rings too, that would be great!
That is all.