Thursday, November 5, 2009

Jesus, will you marry me?

I didn’t dress up this Halloween, did you? It wasn’t for a lack of costume for me, (I’d like to blame it on having to maintain my reputation as one of the cool kids and dressing up is lame right kids? No answer. Because us cool kids are too cool for answering questions.) I had a costume that both my sisters have worn and sent to me to continue tradition?!?! No, so that I wouldn’t spend money on one. It’s a nun costume. It worked for them because they both used it in the years when they were pregnant, and we all know a pregnant nun is hilarious. So it worked for them. Well I am neither pregnant nor even in the running for it…was that an over share? Yes I’m all alone in the world; it’s fine. I only cry in the shower and drink myself to sleep. So I decided not to wear the costume party in fear that it would just feel so right when I put the thing on and suddenly feel like making a life change, and I don’t think im ready to give up and throw in the towel yet. I’m also not sure I’ve actually started to use the towel. Haven’t been very romantically active…and why am I sharing this?
So anyway, I think I just haven’t found anyone because I’ve been limited by time. Not that I don’t have time to date, I mean I have been limited by only being able to choose from people in this Time. Like wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could invent the time machine? Imagine the possibility of all the kinds of people you could date and marry. And suddenly becoming a nun nowadays makes more sense. Let’s face it, if Jesus Christ was alive he would have so much p*ssy? P***y? Puss*? (I’m trying to sensor it up a bit but I dunno which one is the right way to say pussy) I mean, the dude is a catch! How was no one ever able to marry that man? He was probably a player though. I could see it. He was popular and had the rockstar look, long hair et al. Which only made him more sexy right? Sigh. Well, If I had a time machine I would go to Jesus and I would ask him to marry me. I mean think about it. We’d never starve, he’d just keep making fish and bread, and I love seafood so fish diet is ok with me. And the water into wine thing! Water is everywhere, we’d make a living off of selling red wine or just be super happy and drunk all the time, either scenario sounds good to me. He is also a healer so no need for health insurance. No problem there. And he is a carpenter. He would probably build us a house and the furniture. Sure we would have some issues because he is all about loving everyone and whatnot and I’m just not sure I’m ok with sharing. But did I mention free red wine for life?! Plus the parties would be legendary, I mean look at how many people celebrate his birthday now. Imagine the anniversaries and whatnot.
In conclusion, I want to be Jesus Christ when I grow up!

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